Setting the Record Straight

Many of you may not know the story but most of you do. This blog is created to set the story straight on exactly what happened the day I saranaded the BSC campus with Kenny Chesney's "Me and You". It was a Wednesday if I remember right. The baseball team was off playing at our in-state rival, Alabama A&M. I stayed behind to focus on academics as it was passion. After studying all day and doing several art projects, I went down to the field to throw and workout for my start the coming Friday night. As I was out on the field running and going through my workout routine. I noticed three lovely young ladies sun tanning out on the Striplin fitness center porch which overlooks the baseball field. One of the young happened to my a young philly I was dating at the time, now married to. Being the Romeo I am, I decided to go up into the press box and sing her and all the ladies at BSC who dreamed on each night, but mainly for Ami. So I powered up the mic, slapped on the radio and Kenny and I sang a duet together. About a quarter of the way through the song I noticed people coming out of their dorm rooms, professors stopping classes, campus police on their radios, even four frat guys holding their lighters in the air. Ami, Kristen, and Leslie(not Dean as we broke up 5 motnhs earlier), the other two girls with Ami, were all crying from what I could see. As I poured my heart and soul into that song, you could feel the emotion blasting all across the BSC campus. Based on when some of the birthdays of the kids who parents attended BSC that day, 8 babies were concieved at about 3:28pm that day. By the time I finished the third verse, all the guys on the bus headed back from the game knew I had sang on the field. There were stories that I was shirtless, which was fabricated by those who wish they could experience such beauty. There stories that even I cannot say on here. And yes, Coach Shoop did call me into his office the next day to talk to me, but it wasn't to scold me but to tell me that Mrs. Shoop had heard me and wept tears of joy. But after 7 years of silence, today I chose to break it and tell the truth of what really happened that day. So for those of you who have wondered if the stories were true or false now you know the rest of the story.

The Gym

I know many of you reading this have at some point worked out at a gym. I recently started going to a newer gym that is closer to where I work. I go every morning around 5:30 am. Why so early you ask? Well I like to workout with as few people as possible so that I am able to use whatever machine I want and don't have to wait on the guys who like to look at themselves in the mirror between sets. So anyways, usually there is only one other person who works out at that time of the morning. He is a big fat red-headed dude with a little head. He is about 5'-9, 300 lbs with boobs bigger than my wive's. Seriously to paint a better picture of this guy for those reading this, if you take an orange and place a grape on top of it, that is what he looks like. He loves to put a ton of weight on the whatever machine he is doing then proceed to use his entire body to lift that certain weight. For example if he is doing pulldowns, instead of using just his back muscles and arms to get the weight down, he will basically uses all 300 lbs to move it. He walks around the gym like he is Conan the Barbarian with shredded body like mine and wears some of the raggedest workout clothes possible. He has more fat rolls than Golden Corral, yet thinks he is in great shape. Never have I seen him on a treadmill the 2 hours he is there. Never have I seen him do a ligit leg workout either. He just seems to want to do arms. When he does bench he loads it up and only have to lower it 5 inches before it hits his utters. So last week I was working out and started feeling bad after a few excersises so I went and showered and started to leave. So as I am leaving, 2-ton Tim stops me and says "Why do we even pay to workout?" Referring to me leaving early. I would have thought he was joking but based on his seriousness, I knew he wasn't. So I just said "Yeah" and walked on. Then after what he said soaked in I gotta little fired up. How does some fat lard tail dude tell me who is 1/3 his size that I need to work out more and hint that the workout regiment he is on is somehow going good for him. Yeah his arms look HUGE in his old nasty T-shirt, and so would mine if my body fat percentage was 99%. It's one thing for girls to have canckles but a grown man who supposedly works out having them is disgusting. When you have to put your car on to go somewhere, you're a little bit bigger than most. So then this week rolls around. I was to tired to workout Tuesday so I stayed in bed and slept in. Wednesday morning I go to the gym. I see fat Opie working out. As I make my way in he makes a bee line straight for me. "Where were you yesterday?", he says. As if I missed a workout with him or I stood him up. This guy acts like just because we happen to workout in the same place, then we are meat heads together. It's one thing to be told I am not doing enough by a guy who is a specimen body builder but to be told to do more by a guy who probably has a cheeseburger from the night before wedged under one of his tits is just not cool. Honestly people who workout and try to be the information guru to everyone in the gym as if they wrote the book on working out is straight gaaaay in my book. I mean seriously the way the guy struts his stuff around the weight room, you'd think he was Mr. Olympia back in the 80's.