Flat out tired

This is the first time in a long time, if not ever, that I have been completely tired spiritually. There are so many people that are hurting and so many prayer requests that I almost seem to get a headache when praying. My prayers seem to be so intense, so deep, so soul bearing, that I'm literally exhausted when I'm done praying. I hurt so badly for those that I'm praying for and the circumstances they are going through because the things they are going through are just so sad. The things I am asked to pray for don't have to do with someone trying to sell their home, or someone is praying that their kid has a good football game tonight. They are prayers of very sick children and loved ones, they are prayers of a father who blames himself for his son's suicide, or friends who have lost their child. They are prayers for people who have been raped, abandoned, and seem to have no hope. As much as I wish sometimes I didn't take to heart the prayer requests I get or the stories of the people I meet, I can't help but feel a little of the burden that God feels everyday. He deals with billion times the things people ask me to pray for. God tells us to help carry the burdern of those around us, and trust that He will provide, and believe me I do trust. But my sorrow level for the things that have been placed before me as of late has slowed me down big time. I can't shake the faces of those whom I pray for. I can't shake lose the pain in the voices I've heard. I can't just pray for them and forget them like it seems everyone else does. God hasn't built me that way and as much as I'm thankful He continues to mold me to think and care more like Him, it is beginning to wear me down. The people I've met over the past few weeks who are hurting in ways most will never hurt, I can say with honesty, that I love them in a way Christ loves them. There is no hidden agenda to their needs, there is no one they are trying to impress or a status that they are trying to live up to. They aren't trying to impress their friends and neighbors at all costs. They are just ordinary people who have sad pasts that they live with everyday. They have disease that is ravaging their bodies day in and day out. All they ask is for prayer and to not feel alone in their battles. To know someone cares for them and loves them, and when that someone says "I will pray for you" that its not just the Christian answer, but that that person will go home and pour out their heart and soul in prayer for them to the Father. I guess that is what God sees in me. He sends me to these places of darkness because He knows I will go and that when people see me, they know I will help them in whatever way possible, especially through praying for them and showing them that I'm not there because I was bored and had nothing else to do, but that sacrificing the things I love so dearly in this life to go be God's voice, God's hands, and God's love is why I go. That I go, so that my children will understand what it means to be IN love with God and not just love Him when its convenient. That my children will see that God created them to love people and serve people as Christ did. That its ok not to be rich, or live in the best neighborhoods. That some of the most Godly and gospel understanding people are the poor, former drug addicts, had abortions, murdered someone, lost their child, were raped, or just plain hated God at one point. They aren't the people the world would say would be best example of a good Christian man or woman. They don't live nice neighborhoods, drive nice cars, wear the best clothes, know the most scripture, or even go to their church. I hope my girls get older and don't hate me for not giving them the best car to drive or clothes to wear. That they aren't disappointed that we didn't live a two story brick home with everything that money could buy. But instead I hope they see that the money it would have taken to aqcuire those things instead, goes to save two families on the other side of the planet. That that money money bought the tombstone for a family who lost their only son. That the money that could have bought a bigger house, instead was sent to feed orphans in Africa who have nothing. If my children, can understand the importance of that and that the sacrifices we made as a family have in turn provided life, love and hope for another soul, then I will say my life on this earth had a purpose and I as a father did my best for God. And if that in turn brings my children to call Jesus, Lord and Saviour, then my job as a follower of Christ will be fulfilled and I can rest knowing that I did my best for my God.

This past week in a nut shell

What an awesome past few days. God moved in some incredible ways and again moved me so much more closer to Him. Friday night we went with Kevin as he sang at the Wellhouse downtown. The Wellhouse is a safe haven for those who have been sex trafficked here in the Birmingham area. I had no idea that sex slavery was right here 15 minutes from my own home. The Wellhouse teamed up with The Village, a mens nonprofit designed to help men just out of prison get back on their feet and start again. It was amazing to see how many people showed up. There was so much hurt and pain in that room it almost became overwhelming for me. Friday in my office, I began praying for that night and for God to move and bring peace and relief to all those who would be there that night. As I prayed intensely and purposely, God's words poured from my mouth through the tears. "God I pray for a black man who is going to be there tonight. That you help him and be with him..." and the prayer goes on and on. But as I was saying that prayer the picture of a black man came to me in my head as if he were standing 6 inches from my face. It was so clear, so real. He was smiling at me. So I went about my day excited about that night. WE arrive at the Wellhouse and I had totally forgotten about my prayer earlier. I stood in the back and mingled with some guys who had came to get free pizza and listen to Kevin. After Kevin gave his testimony, he asked for those there with him to come to the front for the invitation to pray with those who had given their lives to Christ or just wanted to be prayed with. At first I hesitated at going up there because there seemed to be enough people up there. But I went up there instead. As soon as I got to the front and turned around, walking straight towards me was the man in my prayer earlier that day, smiling. I began to shake as all I could do was smile back at him. He introduced himself as Reggie as he shook my hand and never let go. I began praying with him and for him. Tears pouring from my eyes because it was hitting me that God showed me this man 6 hours earlier in a prayer. That God had set this appointment up. After I finished praying, Reggie still squeezing my hand, I told him about my prayer and seeing his face in it. He started crying and told me it was his first time there, and that he wasn't going to come to the front but when he saw me go down front, "something" pushed him to follow me. The feeling I felt is unexplainable. It was pure, unfiltered joy and happiness. What an awesome God we serve.
Come Sunday, Steve, his dad, and I were scheduled to ride with MakeWay Partners in the Ride for Refuge. It was an honor and privilege to be associated with this group of people. It was a lot of fun with some awesome adventures of Steve's dad getting lost, my bike breaking, and all of our butts and between our legs being extremely sore from the bike seats. I finally got to meet some of the people at MWP and they are freakin' awesome. Heck they even used a blog I wrote poking fun of Steve's dad in the things they use to spread the word about MWP, which I thought was awesome. One thing that struck me during my ride through Homewood and Mountain Brook was the money there. There was huge house after huge house, Mercedes, BMWs, and Porsche's everywhere. People walking the sidewalks with thier $500 strollers and running gear worth no telling what. It upset me seeing all this while knowing that I was riding for men, women, and children who don't even have enough money to eat, much less afford a home or car. Here these people probably own a beach home or lake home or house in the mountains. Just because they have worked hard and have extra money lying around they feel it necessary to accumulate multiple expensive homes. I wonder if they would still live the way they lived if they had no one else to brag to about what they have, where they live, or how many homes they have. If there was noone else in world who cared about their material things, would they still feel the need to use what God has given them and blow it all on themselves? But I'm sure if you were to ask them, they'd say they weren't rich because they don't make a million dollars a year. That just because you own to homes and two cars doesn't make you rich. Living in Homewood, Mountain Brook, Greystone, or wherever else in home that costs $300k plus doesn't make you rich. My question to them is how they can say that they aren't rich when you can look around this world and see that you are. I don't have any of these things, and I KNOW I am rich. I get tired of hearing people who make $100K plus tell me they are struggling or times are tough. Are you serious? I really want to punch them. Are times tough because you live in a home big enough for 10 people, or a neighborhood that costs 5x as much just because of its location. Are times tough because you take 5 vacations a year, drive nice cars, eat at only the best restaraunts, and wear only the best cloths? Yeah I guess you can you have "earned" it. But as God says, "To whom much is given, much is expected". But somehow people lie to themselves and say they do give back. Giving God left overs and fulfilling your needs first are not biblical. I really am sick of seeing people living for themselves. I'll take it a step further. It doesn't impress me that parents live for their kids or families. So what? I do it so it really isn't impressive or like "wow, I've never seen that." It's not like that is rare and an actual sacrifice. You love them so why wouldn't you? But to see another person, live for and love on a person they don't know, for the pure fact that they understand the gospel is so beautiful. To see a person who, by biblical standards, is rich spend their time and money on someone who is not as fortunate, is Godly. For once in life, I would have more respect, if you can call it that, for a person who just says that they don't want to give "their" money away and don't feel like they should have to do anything that causes them any type of discomfort. Instead I have to sit and hear people lie to themselves and try to lie to God as if they can fool the One who created them. Maybe once people start living for others instead of themselves, this crummy world could be more tolerable. I never quite understood what God meant when He says it will be easier for camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, but I now I do and I know God is right. As long as people keep telling themselves they aren't rich and don't have time, money, or anything else to spare, then there will those who ARE rich allowing those who aren't to suffer throughout this world. And worse is while they enjoy the few years they have on this earth, they will miss out on the eternity that they think awaits them only to find out their lying to themselves has finally caught up with them and they missed the mark.
Then came last night with all of us men who on Wednesday nights from 9pm until God decides to shut us down around 12:30, going to visit George. George is one of Kevin Derryberry's buddies who is facing a tough battle with a disease that is literally killing him. He needs a lung and heart transplant, his health is overall just not good. We went to his home last night to pray over him. His sweet mom made all kinds of sweets for us, which I didn't need but sure did enjoy. After George told us more about his situation, we went around the room and prayed for him. In all the things thus far, that I have been to and prayed for, this was the hardest. As I looked at George in his chair, in his PJ's, with the oxygen tube in his nose, all I could see was my dad. This time three years ago my dad was in the exact same state. My heart was broken because everything about that room seemed so familiar. I had been there before. As everyone prayed, I could just sense the Holy Spirit moving. Hearing grown men literally crying for another man, who none of us knew except Kevin, was so Godly. To hear these men on a weekly basis come before our Father and pray the things they pray with the hearts they have, is awesome. I'm blessed to beyond words that I have these men as examples.