Soccer

Well in honor of the World Cup that is going on now, I would like to focus on this stupid sport. Here we have a sport that is played all over the world and loved by many, me not included. The game can be played whereever there is room to run and around and kick a ball. Maybe that is why people like to play it. Why people sit around and watch a game that most of the time ends a 0-0 tie blows my mind. They play for like 2 hours and maybe they score, maybe they don't, but 98% of the time they don't. Then when the game ends in a tie, they run around like they won and were all happy that they ended the game where they started. How stupid. And then there is the players. If they were to have an award called "Flamer of the Game" award, everyone who played would get it. These terds run around and if someone bumps into the or touches them, they fall down and cry. But they just don't fall down. They flip in the air, hit the ground, roll 3 times, and grab their face or leg. They look like they are in severe pain, possibly just lost an eye, or dislocated their hip. And they continue to do this until a referee waves are card(more on the card later). After the card is waved the player jumps up and gets ready to play or if the card seems to be taking to long they run a stretcher out there and tote him off the field and then he runs right back out on the field to play. This is faker than wrestling. Back to the card. Who came up with flash cards for a sport? I've yet to figure out what they mean, probably because I've never watched a game. If I took an educated guess I would say that each color stands for the level of gayness the injured player expresses. See chart below

Red = Boy George gay
Yellow = Elton John gay
Orange = Ellen Degenerous gay
Black = Metrosexual gay
Burnt Umber = This color card has never been issued. NO player has yet to show the
gayness of a man in cargo bluejean shorts.

Soccer is the worst sport on planet earth. Even worse than water ballet. Well I say the worst but it might actually challenge BSC athletics. Let's just say it sucks bad. Really who enjoys watching a bunch of strangers running around on a field kicking a ball back and forth to each other. I will say when you do see a team score, its a once in a lifetime event. If you do enjoy soccer, and are one of my friends, we need to talk.