Flat out tired

This is the first time in a long time, if not ever, that I have been completely tired spiritually. There are so many people that are hurting and so many prayer requests that I almost seem to get a headache when praying. My prayers seem to be so intense, so deep, so soul bearing, that I'm literally exhausted when I'm done praying. I hurt so badly for those that I'm praying for and the circumstances they are going through because the things they are going through are just so sad. The things I am asked to pray for don't have to do with someone trying to sell their home, or someone is praying that their kid has a good football game tonight. They are prayers of very sick children and loved ones, they are prayers of a father who blames himself for his son's suicide, or friends who have lost their child. They are prayers for people who have been raped, abandoned, and seem to have no hope. As much as I wish sometimes I didn't take to heart the prayer requests I get or the stories of the people I meet, I can't help but feel a little of the burden that God feels everyday. He deals with billion times the things people ask me to pray for. God tells us to help carry the burdern of those around us, and trust that He will provide, and believe me I do trust. But my sorrow level for the things that have been placed before me as of late has slowed me down big time. I can't shake the faces of those whom I pray for. I can't shake lose the pain in the voices I've heard. I can't just pray for them and forget them like it seems everyone else does. God hasn't built me that way and as much as I'm thankful He continues to mold me to think and care more like Him, it is beginning to wear me down. The people I've met over the past few weeks who are hurting in ways most will never hurt, I can say with honesty, that I love them in a way Christ loves them. There is no hidden agenda to their needs, there is no one they are trying to impress or a status that they are trying to live up to. They aren't trying to impress their friends and neighbors at all costs. They are just ordinary people who have sad pasts that they live with everyday. They have disease that is ravaging their bodies day in and day out. All they ask is for prayer and to not feel alone in their battles. To know someone cares for them and loves them, and when that someone says "I will pray for you" that its not just the Christian answer, but that that person will go home and pour out their heart and soul in prayer for them to the Father. I guess that is what God sees in me. He sends me to these places of darkness because He knows I will go and that when people see me, they know I will help them in whatever way possible, especially through praying for them and showing them that I'm not there because I was bored and had nothing else to do, but that sacrificing the things I love so dearly in this life to go be God's voice, God's hands, and God's love is why I go. That I go, so that my children will understand what it means to be IN love with God and not just love Him when its convenient. That my children will see that God created them to love people and serve people as Christ did. That its ok not to be rich, or live in the best neighborhoods. That some of the most Godly and gospel understanding people are the poor, former drug addicts, had abortions, murdered someone, lost their child, were raped, or just plain hated God at one point. They aren't the people the world would say would be best example of a good Christian man or woman. They don't live nice neighborhoods, drive nice cars, wear the best clothes, know the most scripture, or even go to their church. I hope my girls get older and don't hate me for not giving them the best car to drive or clothes to wear. That they aren't disappointed that we didn't live a two story brick home with everything that money could buy. But instead I hope they see that the money it would have taken to aqcuire those things instead, goes to save two families on the other side of the planet. That that money money bought the tombstone for a family who lost their only son. That the money that could have bought a bigger house, instead was sent to feed orphans in Africa who have nothing. If my children, can understand the importance of that and that the sacrifices we made as a family have in turn provided life, love and hope for another soul, then I will say my life on this earth had a purpose and I as a father did my best for God. And if that in turn brings my children to call Jesus, Lord and Saviour, then my job as a follower of Christ will be fulfilled and I can rest knowing that I did my best for my God.